Balance Redefined Radio EP: 41 How Not to Get Sucked into the Less Than Vortex

[00:00] Hi, I’m Connie Sokol, a national speaker, bestselling author, program founder and Mother of seven and loving it. I’m reaching and teaching 1 million listeners to live a purposeful, organized, and joyful life. You can too. So let’s go.
[00:16] Welcome back to Balance reDefined. It’s Connie Sokol and today I have a major vulnerability and live rant to share. Okay, I don’t usually share these kinds of experiences, but today this one is literally one of those for the books that I just think how in the world that that happened to me. ‘kay. So let me explain what happened. So I have a dear friend who we kind of touch base now and then and I love what she does. She’s always helping women and she’s just so upbeat and so wonderful and just kind of in a lower limelight way, she doesn’t like, you know, parade it around and stuff, but she’s got a very active blog and she’s just wonderful.
[00:55] Anyway she’s just a great lady. And I happened to see on this, um, it was either a post was that post or newsletter thing. Anyway, I click to it, but it said, hey, I was featured in this magazine. I couldn’t even believe it and or this online article, and it was about spotlighting women who really crushed it in 2018 and I was like, yes, she is finally getting her Kudos. Not that she needed them, not that she was looking for them, but I was so happy and I wanted to read more about it and I was so excited for her, but thinking maybe we should go do lunch and I can like take her lunch. Okay, so little side note here before I share what happened next. You know, if you know anything about me and you’ve listened to any of my podcasts, you know that I love good women, I love them, they do amazing things and I am, my whole life’s work is helping women and families, helping them to find their purpose and fulfill it.
[01:43] Helping them to get those organization systems in their life so they can actually spend more time doing the things they want to do. Getting that joy woven in and through and around their lives while they’re doing it. Being the one that’s, you know, massaging their shoulders and telling them you’re doing awesome and you got this and you’re amazing. And helping them to hold up a beautiful mirror and say, can you see the good that you are doing? Okay, this is me. Okay. Like I’ve actually been told I am a woman’s cheerleader. Okay. Breathless proving. I just want you to know like this is the thing, it’s clearly official with even like a pseudo title that I love to celebrate fabulous women. Have I established that clearly enough? Okay, so this does not diminish me at all when I am celebrating such said women. Okay, so back to this little online articles.
[02:25] So I start reading this article and I’m smiling, I’m filled with joy and buttercups and then it hits me. It is by woman number five to have like 20 women they’re spotlighting by woman. Number five, I start feeling this wave of Yuck, like I was in fact a total complete loser. Like not just your usual. Wow, they’re amazing. And I’m not, not that, but it was this overwhelming your’re so in caps lame. You don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t even know tech at all. And by the way, what did you do in 2018 like these thoughts, I cannot express to you how strongly, how clearly they were playing in my mind and they felt so real. You know those moments where like in one instant you went from feeling healthy and disciplined and spiritually in tune and loving and wow, let’s rock this day. Let’s rock this year to suddenly like, where’s my ritter chocolate bar?
[03:22] Were, did I stash those Christmas cookies? You know what I’m saying? Like really it was night and day and I started going to this, well who needs a workout? And Yeah, you know, I could be sleeping this year, so who needs this? Oh, it was terrible. I cannot even express the reality of this feeling. It was so strong and yeah. Okay. So I have these kinds of feelings, not to this depth, but I have these kinds of feelings, you know about every three months when we’re rolling out a new project, like we’re rolling out a new program and I’m all like, you know, hyperventilating, all the different details that have to be taken care of him. He could sure this is just so, and it was, you know, it’s all those, those feelings of the potential. What if people don’t really think it’s worth it and it’s worthwhile.
[04:02] Even though I have all the stats to prove and the Beta testing and all that, you know that idiosyncrasy kind of low self esteem thing that you kind of go through in this little cyclical process, man, say that five times fast. But you know how you can go through those kind of cycles and, and you kind of, it’s expected and you go, okay, I know what this is. It’s like that neighborhood stray dog that annoys the tar out of you, but it comes around every couple of weeks and you’re like, ah. And then you go, you know what, okay, I’m just going to give them a little bone thing and then he’ll go and he’ll go off to the next neighbors, make the rounds and he’ll be back in three weeks. Okay, it’s fine. So with kind of like that, but no, this time it was really, really strong.
[04:38] So I just want you to know it was, it was one of those crazy moments that I’m just like, I don’t even know what I can do with this. I don’t know what to do with it. And I was only just becoming aware that I was feeling this and that wasn’t real because then the next thought that came, thankfully this next thought kind of came through and pierced that dark cloud and it gave me this thought of, “yes, let us look at what you did this last year, shall we?” And it was the soft, sweet kind of thought and then like a ticker tape going right through my mind. I start seeing super fast, all the things that I had done in this last year. Okay, let me just give you, this is not like, Whoa, listen to me. I’m telling you for a point, so stay with me.
[05:19] Okay, so while raising four children at home, ‘kay in three different schools, mind you and getting another one ready for other things, for future endeavors, right? Keeping my focus on family first, which is a huge job right there. ‘kay. In the business side, I rebranded my entire business new website pictures. Do you know the choreography for trying to do pictures alone and do them in just one hour? Yeah. Do new systems and set up. I created an Interfaith Women’s Conference with, they said it wouldn’t even work and we had 600 attendees. Then we even did a mini conference followup version, so it was more intimate and that sold out and created a nonprofit organization from it because it was unbelievably wonderful and then an incredible board of amazing women, diverse, successful, incredible women from our community and then created a lifelong dream of my 12 week online program.
[06:10] Started a new podcast and hired a new amazing core team for my business and company. Okay. That’s just on the business side.
[06:17] Okay, so let’s see about the personal side, shall we? Yeah, Hashtag who you call him a loser. Okay. So successfully helped my children flourish through post divorce with some coping skills that were incredible and useful with beautiful experiences doing their homework and life help and the Mama, I’m right here for you love and keeping it together personally during all of this. Okay. Most days. And then helped my daughter graduate from high school with honors. ‘Kay. Honestly, she did most of the work, but I was there for those tiers and moments. Okay. I’m just saying secure scholarships and then get college acceptance to her top three schools. Right. Helped her create and then fulfill this Nanning experience in France, which was incredible. And then helped her prepare for a church mission call, which she wanted to do and she received at to France Leone.
[07:05] Okay. Can have to go pick her up afterwards yet did I mentioned that, but did I mention during all of these things? I also put meals on a table four nights a week, maybe five ‘kay because there’s the weekend we have to do Costa Vida, sorry, and no salesy thing. Through endless errands, dance competitions, reading in the classroom at all. Do I make my point? And in the midst of this successfully dealt with being evacuated from our home for the number one fire in the nation and handled it all without chocolate or binge watching anything. Okay. People, there has to be some kind of an award for this. All right? And then wrapping it all up, took my children to serve at a child’s hope orphanage in Mexico. Even driving there and back as a single mom, 10 to 15 hours each way and working all things to make it a beautiful life changing experience despite occasional complaints.
[07:57] Okay, I ask you, does that sound like I did nothing in 2018 hmm? Now this is not about, oh, who can top who and how much can I do in a year? I’m talking about this little voice that we allow in our heads as women. I want to remind you that I share this for one reason and one reason only. That in that soul debilitating moment of loser feeling, I literally believed I had done nothing of value this past year. What the, hey, how is it possible that especially that I teach women coping skills for this stuff, that I could let this happen. I got sucked in people. I got sucked into the less than Vortex Oh, how did I let that happen? And guess what? It took less than five minutes. Yeah. After all that I did in 2018 all that goes behind those sentences. You know what I’m talking about?
[08:56] I still let that happen to me in less than five minutes. What? Ooh, did I come back like a fighting Xena warrior. I’m telling you once I realized it, and you know when you get that moment where you’re like, oh no, you did not. You didn’t. Not Today, because I was like, that’s it. I am not going to go into that whole vortex of, oh, she’s so much better than me and I don’t do anything. Oh, my life is is nothing. And where’s the chips? Right? Which is what we end up doing. So my point today is ladies not, oh, just don’t go into the vortex. No, no, no. My point is be prepared for it because it will come, it will come. And that was my downfall is that I thought in my pride, I thought, Hey, I’ve been teaching this for 20 years and I have my moments.
[09:46] I have my little soft moment and I have those really downtimes now and then, but you know, I get back up and I know what’s coming, uh, did not even see this blindsided. So I want you to know that even if you’re the most amazing woman on the planet, which you likely are, you are going to have those sneaky unsuspecting moments that hit you like a ton of chocolate bricks. And you will feel less than a loser. Like, why bother? What I do doesn’t matter. Everyone else has it together kind of feeling right? And it’s going to seem so real. So do not get sucked in. How? Ma of course you know what’s going to come. I’m going to give you some tips. That’s right because I had to use them myself so they worked and so I’m going to share them because that’s my go to motto.
[10:28] If I do something and it works, I’m going to share it because I want to see what worked for you because I’m gonna sure try it one of these days cause mine’s not going to work next time maybe. All right, so try some of these.
[10:37] Number one, stop doing what you’re doing. Do whatever it is. I was on the social media thing. I was on the online magazine that I was reading. Just stop it. Then say shout, stomp out loud. I am a daughter of God. Now if you have other divine influence or the universe or other divine feeling as you know, I always say just insert it. I am loved and I am of infinite worth. And then if it feels real good, you can add so back off. Right. Cause that helps too. That’s number one. Does do that. Number one. And what that does is tell that little voice and whatever influence is trying to bother you, it just tells it ach ach ach not today.
[11:15] No, I’m aware. I know what’s going on and know the number two go back to truth, go back to truth. What you know to be true. Pray from your gut to God or whoever it is that you feel is that divine influence. Read scriptures, talk with a wise friend, do whatever it takes for you to get to a truthful place and see that feeling, that feeling of going back to truth will already start giving you that happy, peaceful place. That not that competitive feeling, not that discouragement any of those competitiveness, discouragement, doubt. And I’m in competitiveness in a, in a way that makes you feel like I’m going to rip their eyes off because I better than are I am totally a winner and they’re a loser. When that kind of competitive, no, that is not what we want. So go back to truth.
[12:00] Number three. List what you have done and who you have become. This is not about proving your value. Do not mistake what I am doing here. This is not listing it off and checking in and saying, Oh look, I did 10 beautiful things this last year so I have value and worth. No, this is to do what is one of the most frequent commandments in scripture, which is, you know, this one, remember there’s ask and then there’s remember, remember, why does he ask us to remember? Because we forget and in that five minutes, I forgot a whole 12 months worth. Okay. As a mother of seven, that’s not too hard to believe, but I did. I forgot. Can you imagine? Yeah, you probably can, right? You’re done there. If you’ve had children’s especially, but we’re to remember, we’re to remember who we are and what we’ve experienced and what we are yet to do to fulfill our personal purpose, to help others that fill their personal purpose.
[12:55] So as we remember, we get back to that truth. We remember that truth. We’d soak in that truth. We, it’s delicious too. As we chew on that truth and it becomes a part of us because we know that that is the truth. When I was able to list those things out, I could feel in my soul and no, this is actually what is true, not the first voice that was in my head. Okay.
[13:16] Number four, express gratitude. Okay. You’re probably going, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. If I read one more thing and listen on one more thing that says gratitude. Yeah, but guess what? It works. Yeah. It’s here to stay. Just start. No rhyme or reason or you’ve got to have some cool little thing or app or you got to have something that’s, you know, I do three or things are 22 things in one minute or whatever.
[13:36] No, just express gratitude for the people or the experiences or things. Things are wonderful. Hilarides, mundanity of life, whatever it is that comes to your mind kind of stuff. It doesn’t matter. This makes all the difference. And I did that too. I did that and I was able to start doing gratitude. And you know what? And the beautiful thing, and you’ll see this when you go through these moments and you use these tips and tactics, you fight back. Then you start putting it into your life all the time and it’s like, Ooh, this is a twofer. This is a bonus. Okay, I’m so glad this happened because now I remembered how important it was for me to do my gratitude minutes, not just every day, but throughout the day. So now I’m doing in the morning, I’m doing the afternoon, I’m doing the evening. So now I’m not just waiting till night for me to do my gratitude journal.
[14:22] I am having a focus, concentrated moments of gratitude throughout the day and I got to tell you, it is fabulous and not inconsequentially. I have not had one more of those moments of the voices in my head attacking me since I’ve been doing that. So I gotta tell ya it works.
[14:40] And number five, do a really, really long podcast or her really long ranty kind of post and you will feel much better. All right? Hopefully you will be able to feel and know from I shared that you can handle when this happens. You can go to the edge of that Vortex, but you don’t have to get sucked in. You might be there before you realize it, but you don’t have to get sucked in. And I think it’s fantastic that we can do something about it. So I want you to know that. Now I want to leave you with one final thought to rule them all because this is so important.
[15:11] As I was sitting there and thinking of these things, these other thoughts led up to this one final thought, but the thoughts that started coming to me where, oh my gosh, you know what? All women are doing so amazingly. Really, even when we go, oh, you know, she’s not doing great, or I wasn’t doing great last year, but I’m doing better now even when we don’t think we’re doing great. We are. We get up, we breathe and we keep our kids alive, right? I mean there’s an award for that somewhere, I’m sure too. So I just want you to know you are doing what matters most and you are valued. You are a woman of incredible divine, an infinite worth. You must remember this, every single bit of drool of diapers of dishes and that drama that you deal with matters and it makes your family and this world a better place.
[16:00] I promise you never ever doubt that. And just because society or a family member or neighbor makes you feel that your family and this world doesn’t really do anything or that you’re not very helpful or that you’re not amazing as you should be, or you don’t get a thousand likes, you don’t get a million subscribers or that you, you don’t do things that are of value, do not get sucked in because you can with your wisdom and your steadiness and your focus on truth. You can move forward each day and with love, with laughter and with light. You can do this with those focuses and those drivers and you can ignore the rest. So all of these thoughts were coming to me and then it culminated in one thought, one big Mama thought. That’s right. One thought to rule them all and it was this; Do Good.
[16:54] That’s it. Go about doing good and whatever the outcome is. And that’s different for everyone. Rejoice in it, delight in it. And if one day that involves creating a new program and the next day it involves taking a nap with a preschooler, then rejoice, have joy. It means that you have discovered the thing that matters most. And just because it may mean one day you discovered the meaning of life and the next day you’ve just discovered the missing shoe. It doesn’t matter. It means that you still know what matters most and you’re experiencing it today. You know that whatever you do really, truly, honestly does matter. And I want you to keep that in your soul so that the next time that sneaky other little influence comes prowling around to make you miserable, you stand like that Xena warrior, and you know for yourself what is true and what is not, and make it known that you know.
[17:47] Okay, so just as recap, Do Good. Don’t get sucked in. Focus on truth. Share your experience and stand like a Xena warrior. All right?
[17:58] People back to life as we know it with a joyful vengeance. And remember, if you want more of this good juicy stuff, please click on another podcast or take one of my free masterclasses, they’re free. Just hop on there and get more of these juicy life hacks. I want to see you even happier and more organized and feeling that joy and that purpose. Even if you’re the most stellar, organized and purposeful – PURPOSEFUL person on the planet. I just want you to know I’ve got even more for you to enjoy because that is my joy. So I hope you got something great out today. If you did, please comment below something that’s a takeaway for you. I would love to hear it and know it and then if you have something you want to share, the others could learn from, please post it below.
[18:42] If you want more information on Masterclass, #yes or just go to conniesokol.com and you can find it out there and if you want, you can always go on social media. I’ve got lots of posts, I’ve got lots of resources and articles and things and insights and wonderful people just to share with and discussed up. And it’s just so great. So go on any major social media, Connie Sokol and you will find me. I would love, love, love to connect with you. And as I mentioned, if you want more great stuff than just click on another podcast and get more Balance Redefined.
[19:14] Hi, I’m Connie Sokol and thanks for listening today to balance redefined. Don’t forget to rate and subscribe and if you liked it, get even more life shifting. Learning with my best selling books on Amazon from humorous to core content, seasonal to spiritual life hacking nonfiction to fun romance fiction. I have a book for just what you need. So go to Amazon, search Connie Sokol, and check out the show notes for the direct link to guide you there.