Hi, I’m Connie Sokol, a national speaker, bestselling author, program founder, and mother of seven and loving it. I’m reaching and teaching 1 million listeners to live a purposeful, organized, and joyful life. You can too. So let’s go.
Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I’m Connie Sokol and again, I’m so happy you’re back for more fabulous stuff. Today I’m talking about three steps to a life shift and that’s so key, we’re not just making a change that would change is a very good thing. We are actually wanting to shift ourselves shift in some way, whether it’s physical or organizational or relational or financial, but you’re feeling in your soul this desire to uplevel, to do things differently, to be a better person than you’ve been before, and a lot of that feeling comes from knowing that you are likely living below your potential. It may be that you’ve been able to coast for a while and it doesn’t feel like coasting because it’s crazy busy and you’re going like a little hamster on a wheel, but your soul is not feeling fulfilled.
Your soul, which is wiser than our brain, I believe is the thing that’s tapping at you and saying, by the way, remember you wanted to do those really important things and contributing that really important way and fulfill your deeper purpose and so, hello, I’m still here and would love for you to be doing that and that knocking on your soul, that rumble in your soul, those things are to pay attention to because they’re going to help you look at life through a deeper lens. We can all end up being on a sort of an automatic gear. We get to a place where we know what to do at work. We know kind of how things go at the house. We know what happens with certain friends. We’re very familiar, very comfortable. There’s nothing that really jars us out of it except for crises or big problems, but even the smaller ones, we can kind of move along and even the bigger crises, we know they’re coming and for a moment they take our attention and they give us.
The opportunity can create a vehicle to uplevel. And then if we decide not to, we slide back down into that automatic abis ever been there. Okay. So that may be why you are wanting to know more about how do I get into this mode of life shifting? How do I move out of automatic and really create meaning and purpose in my daily life and really look at what it is that’s bothering me and not making me feel fulfilled on a daily basis.
So the first thing is to define your quality of life. And that may seem like a pretty simple thing. Hey, I know I want a good quality of life, but what does that mean? I have coached women for many, many, many years and what I find often is that they will say, oh, I just can’t take it anymore. I just don’t like the way this is going.
I don’t love my life, I don’t like my life. But then I’ll say, well, what is it that you do want? And they’ll throw out some different pieces, but they really haven’t been able to define their quality of life. And added onto that. They couldn’t really tell you what about their current life makes it a quality of life for them because we’re all living to some degree with things that make us happy or that are good. Otherwise, we’d be doing it differently years ago. So there are parts of our lives that are already good and I firmly believe there’s lots of parts of our lives that are very good that we just don’t see it through that lens, and what’s beautiful is when we take a moment and define that quality of life that we’re thinking about or wanting or there’s that rumble on our soul that saying there’s more for you.
When we start to finding that cookies to a donut, you’ll find that a lot of times you’re already living a high quality of life. You’re already living so many elements of what you didn’t realize you wanted because you finally defined it. There was one woman that we were coaching in the 12 week Balanced Redefined Program and she started off, you know, we always have them take a pre and post evaluation so they can see where they’re at in different areas and life fulfillment in different things like that. And she was at a seven, which usually across the board women are about at a four and that’s where they come in. Sometimes they’re at a two or three and we ended up taking them to a nine or 10 which is fantastic and amazing. That’s why what we do works. It’s fabulous. But she was interesting because she tested out at seven she evaluated at seven and I thought that’s interesting that she wants to do a program when most people would say, you know, 70% is pretty good quality of life.
But she felt the rumble in her soul and one of the beautiful things that happened to her in the program is that she was able to define her quality of life to a degree and in a way that she stepped back and saw that she had a beautiful life. And that what some of the things that she was doing that what was keeping her from really feeling that were some specific choices that she was making. And that could be changed very simply by making some belief shifts and some paradigm shifts. And as she did that, which was quite simply done as she did that she came to a 10! A 10! Where she is waking up in the morning and saying, Bill, yeah, loving it. And she had this enjoyment and savoring of her life that she had worked so hard to create, not realizing it was right within her grasp.
It was right there before her. Have you ever experienced that? Maybe you’re on vacation, you’ve worked so hard to get to this vacation and then you’re like a day or two into it, novelty’s worn off in a sense and then suddenly you’re like, k, what else? You know, and that’s that feeling of, wow, did I miss out on something? Did I not do this right? A lot of the time it’s because we haven’t defined our quality of life. So I want you to consider how can you have a meaningful mindset? How can you define that quality of life? Start writing some of those words that help you know that that’s what you’ve achieved or that’s what’s in your working life already. What does that mean to you? A quality of life. What does that look like to you? Those are some good things to ask yourself.
Okay? The second thing is to own your life. Now you might laugh and be like, well yeah, it’s my life. So yeah, I own it. No, so many people that I talk to feel victim, feel that life controls them, feel that other people control them, feel that they don’t have a choice. Now, there may be elements of truth there where people are ex, um exercising, controlling behaviors over them, but we ultimately have a choice. We have a choice and that’s one of the key pieces of owning your life. And the second piece is knowledge. Because you’ve got to know new things. You’ve got to know- not just for the sake of knowing new things. You’ve got to know new and better ways of doing your life. That’s what I mean. You’ve got to know that there is a better way of doing that. A better way of organizing, a better way of doing fitness, a better way of relating to your spouse and your children.
A better way of setting healthy boundaries. There is a better way if it’s not working for you right now. And so as you get that knowledge, then you have choice. And what happens when we make a choice to stop doing it the same way and expecting the same result, but instead choosing the brave choice of doing it differently to make it better. Then that equals wisdom. That’s where we get the wisdom. We’ve used knowledge, we found out answers, and we’ve applied it to our lives to make a choice, and now we’re experiencing wisdom. That’s what we want. So how are you owning your life right now? What parts of your life aren’t you owning? What parts of your life are you blaming someone else for? That’s so comfortable and easy to do? Isn’t it so much easier now?
It’s her deal. You know we had this terrible blow up, but you know, you know how sensitive she is. You know how she can just be as though biggie. It’s so easy to go to that default. Now, there may be elements of truth there that that person is sensitive or picky or whatever, but your ownership of your life will now create a change in the way you interact with that person. That’s what this is about. You want to own your life so that you develop it. You create it, you live it, you love it, you savor it and you contribute in it so that the end of your life that you say, I loved my life.
This was a wow. That’s what we want. We want that joy, that depth, that breadth, that height. We want all of that feeling of, I had a sublime experience. That’s what we’re after. I love this concept and this idea of being able to get true knowledge as we have knowledge of truth.
That’s what gives us true choice. And there’s another Gal that I was coaching with my coaching director in our program because I do trainings on different programs, on certain programs. And with this one gal, you know, she was dealing with a very difficult situation where she has a special needs child, she has a spouse that sometimes doesn’t understand what she’s trying to do and move forward. And it was just really difficult. A lot of demands on her time, energy, and emotional stability, being able to stay calm in a storm and with the principles and practices of her first and foremost, owning her life and having to set healthy, clear boundaries saying, no, this matters to me and I’m going to do this program. I know that I need this. She took that brave bold step. Now, whatever that is for you, just think, what is this?
I want to read that book. I want to take that, do the exercise program. I want to do whatever that is. She took a bold step and because she did that, she lost six pounds. She revised a novel. She was able to um, do better with the scheduling of her children at home. She revised that entire schedule. It was amazing the things that she experienced. And even just because we do our coaching, we do it with zoom. I can watch her develop and change and she is just looking beautiful. She’s a beautiful woman. But you know, when you feel beaten down by life, you don’t feel beautiful. And sometimes you’re just your face and your energy just feels so worn and just you’re worn out. And so it’s so joyful to see this. So lovely. So again, consider how are you owning your life? Are there areas that you could own your life in a better way, in a way that would move you forward?
And one little suggestion I have in that is about your environment. Now I have another podcast on environments, so you can check that out. It’s from the book. Um, Willpower Doesn’t Work and that’s from Benjamin Hardy. It’s wonderful, but you can check that out. But just on the environment, it is so impactful, the environment that we create in our lives, the way we invite and create our home environment, our work environment, our car environment that people we choose to bring into our close environment. All of this matters. So I would ask you about owning your own life. If you’re feeling like you don’t have control, I would ask you to step back and look what you can shift in your environment.
Now the third step is to take a step. Very simple. Once you’ve defined your quality of life and now you’re taking ownership for your life and you’re braving pushback and you are saying, I know who I want to be and who I am, and even if I don’t know what exactly I know that I need to find out.
As you do that, you take a step, you take a step. You don’t settle into those fears. Fears are going to be in your life forever. If we really wanted to live in a lens of fear, fears would, would keep us in bed every day from the moment you put toothpaste in your mouth, is this killing me? Is this causing cancer? Right? Everything that you put in your mouth all day long to the air that you breathe to the car that you’re driving to the crazy drivers on the road. Every single moment could keep you paralyzed in fear or you can flip that coin and it’s just as valid, where in fact it’s more valid because the fears are, remember that acronym, it’s false evidence appearing real where it’s not real. It hasn’t happened. So the other side of the coin is the true concepts, which is you can see all the good, see all the possibilities, see all those things that yes are present and then the possibilities that haven’t happened yet, which are possible, which are yours for the taking. Yours for the making happen.
So just know those fears are going to come. I was just asked to be on a TV show the other day and we were talking about this concept and it was so sweet because one of the hosts, there were three women hosts and we all have different ages and stages of children. She has the age stage where they’re kind of like 7-8 to about 14-15 so in that kind of middle of the road kind of thing. And she has been working and now she’s trying to make plans to just come home for the first time and she’s, she was like, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I keep doing this push back and I’m not sure what’s wrong. And it was so funny as we’re sitting right there and I coached her right there, I said, yeah, it makes total sense. You are upleveling, you are moving out of your zone of excellence into your zone of genius and you’re upleveling and now you’re getting that up, that upper level problem that Gaye Hendricks talks about and you are experiencing that because now there’s unknown.
] Now that it’s this new experience and you don’t know exactly how it’s gonna turn out, you don’t know exactly what it’s going to be to face and you know what’s comfortable. But you know that you’re still not comfortable in this older space either. It’s gotten to a pitch where you have to cross over that line. You have to jump that fence and so those fears are going to absolutely materialize, but if you know that now you can be prepared against that. So when you take that step, know, that those fears are going to be the first thing to welcome you and just have your tool belt. I talk a lot about, that’s why I do these podcasts, giving you tools to put on your life tool belt. That’s why I do programs, giving you tools to putting your life tool belt so that you will be able to use them to move forward in your life.
That is what is so key, and so it was wonderful because she was able to start seeing that she had this. I said I bet you have a fear that you’re going to be home and you’re going to become a robe wearing jello brained woman and you’re not going to go anywhere. You’re not going to do anything. You’re not going to have any meaningful conversations. As she was basically saying, yeah, you’re right. Like I don’t. I think that’s what my fear is. And I said, now you know what that fear is. You can take care of that. You can put plans in place, you can take care of it. Take a step. So think about that. I always say to women, if not now, when? That’s an anonymous quote, if not now, when? When are you going to make that step? How long do you have to be in pain?
How long do you have to tolerate what you’re tolerating and be in this limbo place where you’re not in any space of contentment or peace or fulfillment until you make a step until you say, I’m ready for a shift even when I’m not ready for a shift. So take a step because making that move, taking that step shifts everything like a Rubiks cube and everything else has to shift and that’s beautiful. That’s exactly what you want because then even though you don’t feel you’re prepared to face all the fears you have to deal with or all the plans are all the details. If you take that step, you already put that change in motion so that things can be working for your good in life without you even knowing it, without you even realizing connections are being prepared, doors are being opened just because you started the whole process by opening that door, by taking that step on that path, it’s beautiful thing.
So hopefully you felt a little bit of joy, a little bit of movement, a little bit of I want to make, a life shift. Yeah, because do it. Define your quality of life. Find the ways that you are not owning your life and shift that do start owning your life and find the ways that you can take a simple, small step that is successful, that helps you feel like I am moving forward in the way that I want to go, even if it’s scary. Overcome those fears by taking a decisive action. As you do that, those doors were open and it’s a beautiful, incredible thing. I see it all the time. Like I said, as I work with these women, we have the six week program and the 12 week and I got to tell you, it is incredible that even at the very beginning, just taking that step, just opening that first lesson, just opening up their first bonus download that they already are saying, oh, I’m already seeing and feeling a change.
It’s because of that fundamental truthful step that takes you into that better space that you want to be, so make yourself a promise a day and do one of these things that I’ve shared with you. Meanwhile, if you want more motivation, encouragement, goal, my social media, any major social media, look up Connie Sokol and I am there. I’m here to give you thoughts, ideas, facebook lives, lots of juicy, wonderful things to help you know how wonderful you are and to keep living and moving forward on your ideal life because you can do it. You can redefine your balance. I have shown that for over 20 years. You can do this. It’s not for the chosen ones. You can actually make those changes and you can do them, especially when you have those truthful principles and practices. I so encourage you to do that. If you’re interested in knowing more about these things and go on my website, ConnieSokol.com and you can check out my masterclasses, I have free masterclasses and you can get more wonderful scoops so that you can put them into practice starting today. That’s the whole goal. Start it now why wait, right? Your ideal life is just sitting there pulsing, waiting for you. So just take the step and do something. So again, if you want to check that out, it’s Connie Sokol.com would love it. Meanwhile, if you’re lovin’ these podcasts, then click on another one and continue because this is your year to get Balance Redefined.
Hi, I’m Connie Sokol and thanks for listening today to Balance Redefined. Don’t forget to rate and subscribe and if you liked it, get even more life-shifting learning with my youtube channel with fabulous, upbeat content on everything from family relationships, work life balance to organization, joy, and fitness. Get short or long episodes for while you relax, clean, or work out. Go to youtube and search Connie Sokol.