The 8 Cs: What Your Kids Need to Know Before They Leave Home (The following is the transcript of the podcasts.) BR 62: Part 1 Hi, I’m Connie Sokol, a national speaker, bestselling author, program founder, and mother of seven and loving it. I’m reaching and teaching 1 million listeners to live a purposeful, organized, and joyful life. You can too. So let’s go. Welcome back to Balance reDefined. It’s Connie Sokol and I’m so happy to have you back for more great stuff. And I am actually doing a three-part series with this topic, this topic of preparing your child to leave home. Are they prepared? So that’s why I have this eight c’s what they need to know before they leave home so that you as a parent can relax and you’re not stressed out wondering are they prepared to go out into the real world. So the eight topics that I’m going to cover in this three-part series are the eight C’s, and that includes to cook, clean car, cash, Christ, communicate, connect, and contribute. Yeah, love all those C’s. I know it keeps it so easy to remember that you can kind of finger through and go, hey, did we do anything on that this week? Right, exactly. So first and foremost as you’re considering, wow, my child is getting ready to go out in the world of college and work and travel. Just asking yourself, do they know the basics for a good responsible life? I want you to consider a few things first before I go through these specific eight C’s because already you’re probably getting hives. You’re already feeling some anxiety going, but I haven’t taught them anything– actually, you probably have, you probably taught a lot more than you realize because you’re a walking instructor for the good, the bad or the ugly, right? Some days for me, I know it’s just ugly and I’m like, I hope they forget that day. So think about your child. Have someone in mind that you want to kind of run through these in your mind as I’m talking about them and that will help you better apply what I’m saying, but let’s go through three things first that I need you to do. First, ask yourself, were they taught? It does not matter if they listened. It doesn’t matter if they slept through everything you share. It doesn’t matter if they rolled their eyes or slam their door. Did you teach them? Because if you taught them, you did your job. All right. Now that doesn’t mean of course we force them. We made them sit there, you know, and one of those polygraph test and ask them questions. We didn’t do that. No. We just said, “hey, I’m teaching, I’m sharing. I’m letting you know this is the, these are things that you need to know to go out into the real world” and they have their choice whether or not they want to listen. So that’s not your deal. That outcome is really not your problem or your concern in the sense that of course we want to produce wonderful, stellar contributing adults. Right? Absolutely. But don’t keep yourself up at night by saying, oh my gosh, they chose not to listen to what I taught them. That’s their choice. So you are focused on what did I teach ‘kay now? If you’re not sure if you taught them, what do you do? Well, that’s why I’m doing this because I get that question a lot. So number two is yes, I do have little mini checklist of life skills that is available now. It’s just a guide. It is not a stick to beat you with, but a trampoline to help you soar or some such beautiful cliche. It’s not for you to stress out. It’s really just to get a bead on, okay. Nowadays, what are the life skills that a young child needs to know? What does a teenager need to know? What does a young adult need to know? What are some of those basic life skills that they need so that I can kind of go through that list and go, oh yeah, that’s right. I remember years ago one of my kids needed to mail something. Oh yeah, dig deep into your brain about that. One of mailing with an actual envelope and I literally was flabbergasted that they did not know how to mail something using an envelope. They didn’t know where to put the address they were sending to. They didn’t know to put a return address and even where that went, where the stamp went, I was like, seriously? People, don’t you remember all the years that we have done Christmas cards (way back in the day I get it), but we did those together like just the doing apparently was not competing with them in this digital world of yeah, that’s a life skill I’m going to need to keep in my FYI folder, so we had to sit there and go through like a 10 minute training on how to mail something. Yeah, I’m not kidding. So it’s a little checklist of life skills that would be really helpful for them to do. To get that, just go to Conniesokol.com and you can contact me there or just do an email. Hello@Conniesokol.com that’s s-o-k-o-l.com just check out my website. It’s got a little contact button. You can just send a little thing saying, hey, I really would love that little mini checklist of life skills that you said was available and we’ll send one to you. Number three, do not complicate this. Kay. Do not feel. All of a sudden now I’ve got to do a three-week summer camp on all these skills that I didn’t teach my child. Please don’t just don’t complicate it. Teach them in everyday ways. You can do this in daily life. It’s just about being intentional and actionable. It’s just doing something towards this so that later you can say, okay, you’re driving along and you’ve got three minutes. They’re captivated because they’re sitting in the car and you want to teach them about x, y, or z. You want to teach them the communication skill or you want to teach them about using their debit card and being wise about it. You’ve got three minutes, right? And it’s all for later on down the road when they’re like, oh no, how do you do this? You say you don’t remember, that three-minute conversation we had in the car. Yeah, I taught you. It’s good, right? No, it’s for you to be able to have those moments to teach in everyday life in everyday ways. That’s the important thing. So did you get those three things? Were they taught, do you know what they need to be taught, and don’t complicate the teaching. Okay, just don’t complicate it. Make it simple. I’m going to give you simple, realistic tips in all of these eight C’s in ways that you can do this with your child. All right, so on this first one, we’re just going to touch on the three C’s of communication, cleaning, and cash. So communication, clean and cash. So the first thing, let’s jump into the communication aspect. We always tend to just skip right to cook and clean and all of that stuff because we think, oh, life skills, that’s what they need, but let me tell you this. If your child cannot look someone in the eye and have a functional, meaningful conversation, they are going to struggle. And we’ve seen it. Kids dealing with anxiety, not being able to hold professional conversations, not being able to have personal conversations. This is a really important life skill. So again, have a child in mind. Consider what they’re going to do with a roommate or a coworker, maybe a travel buddy, maybe a humanitarian or a church mission companion. Really think about that in terms of, okay, what do they need, because here’s that last little tip you will know in your gut and your soul of souls as a mother, what your child needs and what they haven’t yet been taught. ‘kay? There may be things that would never be on a checklist, but you know, your child needs to know how to do so go with that. You are the Mama, you know best. So go with what you know they need to do. All right. And by no means is this exhaustive, this is the podcast, so I’ll probably turn this into a course, you can check it out. I’m sure I’ll have to develop this. But this is just like little bits to help you get started. So you’re not overwhelmed case. So first is communication. Let’s go through and each of these three C’s, let’s go through type, skills, and approach. So the first thing, communication is the type, and I’m talking about personal communication and professional communication because they’re gonna need to do both. They’re gonna need to talk with a roommate or a coworker or a buddy or whatever, and they’re going to need to have professional communications with the boss, with a client, all those kinds of things. So you want those two types of communication and you’re talking about them. What are the skills that they’re going to need for that? Well, in both of those skills are going to need to do a greeting. They’re going to need to make eye contact and then they’re going to need to be able to ask, listen, or respond. So really it’s an acronym. If you kind of loosely do it, it’s GEAR. So kind of gear up for that communication. So G is a greeting, so like, hey, hi, how are you? I don’t know about you, but I have a son who has Aspbergers and he would just walk in a room and just start talking to start making a request or just start talking like we’d been involved in a conversation for about five minutes. Just jumped right in, and I had to teach them a life skill up, sweetie. When you walk into a room, you need to assess the situation, who’s already talking, what’s already happening, how do you insert yourself into this experience? If someone’s talking, you wait until they’re done and then you say, hey guys, or hey there or hi and then you say, just really quickly wanted to ask or say if I can just interrupt for a moment, blah, blah, blah. You need to have some way of having a greeting or giving a context that, hey, I understand what’s going on here and here’s my part, here’s what I’m doing with this ‘kay for an Asperger kid. That’s exactly what you need to do. So important and for regular children because nowadays the generations are so um, five steps away from civility and courtesy and everyday conversation cues that a lot of this actually has to be taught again, have you found that? I know I have. So a greeting, hi, how you doing? Eye contact, maintaining the eye contact. I know for an Asperger child that’s very difficult and it’s okay if they can glance away and things like that. But I’ve taught him he needs to have moments of looking at them, and if you can’t look them right in the eye, look their nose, the middle of their nose in between, or look at their eyebrow or something where at least they’re getting in that general ballpark area. And then ask, listen and respond is they need to ask. Maybe they need to ask a question or make a request, then they need to listen. They don’t just keep interrupting. They don’t just, um, if you have any kids that are ADD, ADHD, I got them and they keep cutting off people’s sentences. They’re already two steps ahead. So they just cut off what someone says and they jump right in. I certainly don’t do that at all. So they say, but they need to learn to let someone finish their sentence and, and be able to let them have their say and then they can respond to whatever they said. And that’s the last piece is to respond, and that’s nonverbal and verbal. So teach them, you know, like when I served a church mission in Japan, Japanese people are so good at nodding, right? When you’re talking, they’re nodding the whole time, really letting you know that they are right with you. It’s Kinda like that. So help them to understand. They can’t just stand there like a Beal, like the, they have to have some response, they have to nod, they have to look interested, they have to feign that there’s delight in what it is, you know, if they have to. But they have to have some kind of response, not just verbal but nonverbal. They have to have some kind of cue that they’re involved in what’s happening and then of course the verbal response of being able to say, yes, I understand what you’re saying or be able to clarify it. So I was understanding what you’re saying here. But here I just need to have a little more clarification here. I’m not an issue. I’m not sure, and I’m not understanding what you meant by this. Those kinds of cues, those kinds of responses are really good. So remember GEAR greeting, eye contact, ask-listen, and respond and then help them to understand how to use pronouns. So like in a business professional conversation, a great phrase is, I understand that that can be used for listening or for requesting. So if you are dealing with a problem and, and they’re in a business situation, they’re dealing with a problem, then they can go up to their boss or a coworker and say, you know, I understand that that project was supposed to be completed today, is that correct? So good to get a clarifying question under your belt because then it doesn’t assign blame. It doesn’t make a factual statement when you don’t know what the facts are. It just shows that you’re interested in getting information and being able to show what you understand and then being open to what more might be available. This is really helpful between whether you’re doing a request or whether you’re just listening. Oh, I understand what you’re saying. I understand that you’re needing this by Friday is that right. And getting that clarification on personal communication, it’s great to be able to use those I pronouns my, those kinds of things of ownership. Well, my thoughts on this are, I would appreciate if, if they can use phrases like that, again, it’s not pointing a finger, it’s not accusatory. It’s really a synergistic involving conversation. And yes, men use these conversation pieces too. So if they’re going through like with a roommate on the cleaning schedule or how that’s gonna work. Well, my thoughts are how about we set up a schedule that would be so great if we could work that out on certain day, blah, blah, blah. That’s what my thoughts are. What are your thoughts? Or if there’s a problem with the rent payment or something like that. Well, I would really appreciate if we could make sure that that’s paid by the fifth, and so we all have our parts in and blah, blah, blah, whatever that might look like. So I would appreciate that. Let’s them know what the expectation is. So again, just a few thoughts on this that type, that skill, and then approach is to use a calm, clear tone and approach. Get the emotion out of it. So when I’m talking about, especially for negative things, it’s so important. Again, not accusatory, not negative, but being able to just seek for understanding. As Stephen Covey says, “use a calm, clear tongue”. So I’m just trying to understand what’s going on here with this situation as far as with the travel arrangements. Can you help me understand what happened with those and what we need to do with those? Oh, that’s great. I would really appreciate if we could communicate this way next time about blah, blah, blah. Keep a calm, clear tone and approach. Okay, so there’s three little tips on the type of communication, personal professional, the skills with the GEAR. So greeting, eye contact, ask-listen, and respond. And then the approach using a calm, clear tone and approach. Now, how do you teach this easily? Well, you can teach this in a family night. You can teach it on the drive on the way to a sports event. You can teach this when this isn’t happening in your home. And you can take a three minute timeout and say, oh, this is the perfect time for a little mama teaching moment. And they’re going to roll their eyes and groan. And you’d be like, yes, this is what’s going to help you guys, not fuss because you’re not going to want teaching moments for mom and you can teach this very thing. Okay. What kind of communication were you guys doing? Was it business or was it personal? It was personal. She took my shirt. Okay. Well, let me teach you a few skills on that. How about we use some pronouns? I understand that you took my shirt right and my thoughts are don’t take my shirt and I would appreciate if you didn’t take my shirt. Okay, so you can kind of work with that and teach them how to use a calm, clear tone and approach and say possibly the same thing. So use that in the moment. Use It in a family night, use it on a car drive. Same thing. Just use it to get that opportunity to teach that. All right. The second thing is clean out of the survey, top issues with roommates. Messy living habits rank in the top three as the most difficult and frustrating. The first two being about taking things that are not theirs. So you know that first two, those are really like thou shall not steal kind of things. Like that’s a big-time thing. But the, the third one is really kind of a personal issue of what you consider is messy and what someone else considers is messy, right? My kids, I will say, hey great, it’s time to go clean the bathroom. I kid you not my 16 year old just the other day. Hey, that’s awesome. She said, yeah, I cleaned my bathroom. I said, that’s fantastic. I went down there, bomb. A bomb, not as in the good kind. Wow, a-bomb.com it was like a bomb had still gone off and I’m like, what exactly did she clean in here? And she’s been taught since she was three. So it was a little bit of a disconnect kind of that, you know. Um, cool hand Luke. What we got here is a failure to communicate. Go back to step one. I need to work on by life skill number one, but we talked about what a clean bathroom looks like. I.e. The sink, the floor, the mirror, the toilet, the shower. These are key pieces of, you know, a clean space, whether we want to agree or disagree or not. There are some facts involved. So what’s really important is that they know some basics. ‘Kay? I will just give you three basics. They really do need to know, clean a bedroom, clean a bathroom, clean the kitchen. They got to know those. Okay? The others, yeah people know how to vacuum. Yes, you need to tidy up a living space that’s you know, connected. But the bottom line is those three are the ones that get on the most nerves. So let’s go through that type, skills, and approach. So the type is personal space and public space. So the personal space is that bedroom and then the public space, generally speaking, if you’re in a roommate or campanion situation, those kinds of things, then it’s bathroom and kitchen are more of those public spaces. Now the bedroom, if they’re sharing a bedroom, then that’s kind of considered a personal slash public space as well because you really still have to be considered of the other person in the room, and that is sometimes considered optional by this current generation. So let’s get to that teaching moment of, okay, let’s talk about two types of space. Personal and public, okay for cleaning. So on a skill level, they need to know how to do a quick tidy, just a quick tidy of the bedroom. So give them three things that they know in their soul before they leave home. That’s what’s called a quick tidy. Quick tidy of the bedroom is make the bed, pick up the clothes, trash the trash. That’s a quick tidy. Okay. It doesn’t have to be dusted, doesn’t have to be the Potpourri, doesn’t have to be any of those things that vacuum is fabulous to add on. But let’s just be honest here. How many college kids do you know are going to avidly vacuum their room every two or three days, even once a week. I’m sorry. It’s not going to happen. So let’s just get to the basics, ‘Kay vacuuming is a very good, important skill to teach. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m talking about some of these really, really small basics. Add on the vacuum, but first they got to make their bed. They’ve got to pick up their clothes and they got to trash the trash. That’s a basic, ‘kay. For a bathroom. They need to know how to clean the sink, the toilet, the shower in the floor. That’s the four. It’s the basic four. Now, I have taught my kids how to do a four-minute bathroom and you’ve got it. It’s one minute for each of those things. Now, some take less than a minute and some take a little more than a minute, but I got to tell you they have it down. In fact, sometimes they do an h two and a half and a bathroom and I’m like, no, not happening. You need to actually go in and clean something, right? So four minute bathroom, you do it the way you want to do it, but I’m telling you again, go back to what they’re actually going to keep and use when they move out and if you have them do a 30 minute cleaning on a bathroom, I can guarantee you it’s not going to happen. Four minutes, anyone can do four minutes cleaning up that sink. Quick, quick, quick Spritz, Spritz, just a wipe on the counter. It’s cleaning that toilet. I teach them to go from the messiest to the cleanest. So they start with the toilet and then they move to the shower, the floor, and they end with the sink and the counter and the mirror done. Super, super done. And mopping the floor don’t even go there because even if they have a mop in the house, most of the time they’re not going to use it, Right? So I just end up teaching my kids how to use a cloth and some kind of cleaner, like 409 or some kind of floor cleaner, like using organic stuff. But anyway, some kind of floor cleaner and then just use the sink to rinse out the cloth as they go and they work backwards. I mean that sounds like super low effort. Yeah, that’s college kids. I’m sorry. That’s roommates that are traveling. You’re lucky if they’re going to get clean at all. So keep it reasonable and doable. Then set up in the approach. Set up a weekly and a biweekly, make the chores, require chores, dangling carrot chores or earn extra money, chores. So there’s just required chores to do in the house because you’re part of a family. That’s just all there is to it, and you decide what those are. I have other podcasts that talk about how I do my cleaning stuff, but I do zone. So we deep clean zones on a weekly basis. And then we have our daily do’s. So that’s dishwasher, pet, that kind of thing. The different hot buttons zones so that when people come in the front entry, the entry needs to be cleaned because we want to act like we’re a really tidy family. You walk around the corner and you see that that is not so, but the entry looks good and that’s what matters. So you set it up on a weekly, biweekly, um, kind of a system. Okay. So we have these chores that are done weekly. These chores are done bi-weekly, a little bit more in depth and these things that are daily dues so that when they leave the home they’ve got that kind of a rhythm in their life and when it comes down, push comes to shove, they’ll know how to do just those basics. They’ll know how to do a dishwasher, they’ll know how to do a four-minute bathroom, they’ll know how to vacuum an entry floor if they’re having someone over and they want to look really good in front of their date. Right. That’s exactly right. So consider what that looks like for you with your child as far as keeping those tidy and the cleaning up of those. Okay. And you can apply that to the kitchen. Same thing. Dishwasher- and in teaching that I start them young. So like I say everyday teaching, I start them really small. They learn how to put away silverware. So I do all the sharp knives, but they do all the other silverware and it helps them with sorting skills. So they empty the silverware, then they move up to helping empty a tray, the bottom tray, and then they go to the glasses, the upper tray and then they go to emptying a tray and then they take a turn, loading a tray and then they do the whole dishwasher by themselves. And this isn’t like I don’t keep a chart or anything. I just realized who standing against the counter, not do anything. Hey, it’s time for you to learn how to do a tray. Yup, perfect. And just have them empty a tray and that now becomes their job. And I always put it in the, in the kind of context of your learning a life skill that’s so exciting. Go grab a stocker. Yay. If it’s a teenager, hey, awesome. You can go on and your device right after you do this awesome life skill because you just upleveled. That’s fantastic. They love it. They’re thrilled about it. It’s wonderful. Okay, so those are the two we’ve got communication and clean. Now the last one is cash. So if you look at what you’re doing for teaching them how to deal with cash and how they’re doing with financial literacy, just a little Fyi, an article in Forbes cited that the most common financial literacy problems for graduating seniors were some of the following. So these are the top ones, not knowing how to budget, not knowing how to spend less than they earn, not knowing how debt works. And I would add in a credit card not knowing an emergency fund and why they need one and not knowing why they should invest. So those are some top skills that you can start teaching your kids. And I’m just going to go down through just some different kinds of thoughts on this. The first is again type, skills, approach. The type is the difference between daily finances, which is your living daily life, finances and then future finances. So like investing and that kind of thing. So let’s just talk about the daily finances for right now. What kind of skills in everyday ways can we teach them? So knowing about that list? Know, a basic budget. So this is a great family night activity. I just did this recently with my 19-year-old. I have taught her budgeting stuff, but she does not remember any of it, so I had her just, I said, here’s the budget, and I took out all the numbers. I just did a clean document that just had all the categories but not the amounts, and I said, I want you to put down what you think the amounts are, and it was hysterical. She had it almost two to three times what the amount was every month. It was so funny. I’m like, wow, you must think that we live really high on the hog or that it’s extremely expensive to live, which sometimes it is, but it was wonderful to get her guess on that and be able to help instructor of what it really looks like and what it, what it actually costs to run a home. The second thing is, show them how to do bills. I have sat down with my kids and showed them how to do online banking with my laptop. This is what happens. This is the categories. This is how they’re paid. I go in and I press this button and it takes it out of my account. No, it’s not magic money. It actually is money that has to be in the account to pay that bill. It’s fantastic. They snore, they roll their eyes. They’re not paying attention. But what I’ve done my job, so there you got the next one is get them a debit card at a proper age. Know you’ll know when your child is ready for that. We start them at 16. I liked them to have a debit card that acts like a check, but without the danger of a check and it helps them to get used to how they run and track their money. So they get to have a certain amount for money that they use as quote-unquote allowance. But then they get money that they’ve earned and then we talk about how that goes in together and what they need to do with their savings, with their projects they’re saving for, um, and then we, in our church we do tiding and so what they want to take out for that, but I show them how to track that on their debit card and how to use their debit card wisely. So at the beginning, it’s for gas, it’s for school fees, it’s for those kinds of things, and then helping them set up the fun and the functional. So on the weekend, being able to say, you know what? Give yourself an amount every week, $5-$10 from what you have earned that you want to put towards fun and know that you’re just going to cap it at that because you want to be a wise saver. So get creative about how to have your fun for five or 10 dollars and then no, that’s what you’re choosing. So it’s worth it to you, which is really fun because then they can feel like they can have some fun and it isn’t all just about saving. We want them to know how to balance and really use their finances in a way that’s going to be fun and functional so that they’ll sustain it. They’ll do it in a balanced way. So again, you decide what the age is, but that’s really good for helping them know they need to know how much they have. They need to track how much they spent and tracking that weekly, and then lastly is to do a resume together. I start them out at about age seven I really do. I have a little resume that I put up on their board. It’s really cute. They do yard work and they do chores and it’s really cute. But as they get older, they see this work-life experience and how this helps them be able to put that on their resume. Oh, you just learned a life skill. Put that on your resume. Hey, you just helped out the neighbor during that three day project. That counts as work experience. Put that on your resume, and this actually has helped out a lot. As they’ve gotten older, they’ve had work opportunities and need to go in for a job interview. They need to apply for scholarship. That resume helped us remember the things that they actually did. Awards they achieved scouting awards or if it was other words from school or anything that was like that, um, they could put down on there and then they realize, wow, I really actually have some things to share. So that was really fun to do together and help them be able to see how their life has really, they’re creating their life. And lastly on the approach as far as how to teach this, remember it, there’s some times to do the scheduled, like a family teaching night and then there’s impromptu. So, so many times I’ve been through the drive through and I’m depositing a check and I’ll have someone sit in the car next to me and they’ll be on their device or something. I’ll be talking with the front of the line. I’d be like, Hey, hang on teaching moment. Okay, so what do you think happens when I do this with this? What do you think I have to do in order to put this check and deposit it? And it’s so great because then they’re like, I don’t know. And I’m saying, well, Hey, here’s the answer. It’s three minutes, three minutes. And I’ve done my job and they’ve got a file drawer and that’s what matters. So many of our conversations end up happening on my big bed. My kids will come in and they have a question and I’ll be sitting under my duvet and they’ll be like, it’s usually 9:30-10 o’clock at night when I’m so ready to go to bed. And they’ll have a question and I’ll say, you know what? That’s a really good question. Teaching moment. I won’t even tell them it’s a teaching moment because then they’re going to already start rolling their eyes before you even have the queue. So I’ll just say, hey, you know, I thought about that is, but, and then I tell them, this is a way that you can solve that. This is a way that you can do that cash question or that communication issue or how to send that email to your teacher and what you might want to say, how to deal with that difficult friend. And so those are all those teaching moments. So again, scheduled and impromptu, really important. Just find those moments as you’re driving, as you’re cooking, as you’re cleaning together, as you’re doing yard work together, as you’re doing Carpool, look at those moments and say, you know what? We got two minutes here, three minutes. What is it that I’m feeling? They really need to know. It’s a great way to go about it. All right? I know it’s been a bit of a fire hose, but those are three things just as this first part series of 8 c’s to help your child know what they need to know and be prepared to leave home. Because once you’ve done that, I got to tell you, it feels so good. You know you have done your job, doesn’t mean you’ve done it, stellar doesn’t mean, you’ve done it perfectly, but you’ve done your job and you’ve been able to help prepare them for their future life and it will come back. It will come back in those moments of panic that they will have, it will come back to them. Oh, that’s right, my Mom taught me something about that. What was that? Before they call you quick on the cell phone. You’ll say, remember we talked about that when you were in ninth grade yeah? So anyway, if you want more on this, remember there’s more podcasts on this. You can go to conniesokol.com and I likely have blog posts on it. I probably have a course on it, something more. If you want coaching on this, feel free. We can give you a consultation, we can give you a onetime consult if you need, whatever it is you want to do to get this taken care of. We are your people because this is what we do, and remember, whatever you do, subscribe to this podcast and we’ll get more great stuff. Get the newsletter at connisokol.com cause you get a free ebook and get your free life shift quiz. If you’re making a life shift, you can take that quiz and figure out which life shift would be best for you to start with. And as always make this year, your year to get Balanced reDefined. BR 63: Part 2 Welcome back to Balance reDefined. I’m Connie Sokol and we are back for more part two of the eight C’s: What Your Kids Need to Know Before They Leave Home. So I want to start out again as I did in the last part just with a little bit of a soft intro because I don’t want there to be stress or anxiety about this. It’s really so, so doable. It just needs to be intentional. So just for fun, I want you to think, what is one thing you wish you had been taught before going out on your own? Was there something that you’re like, ah, I don’t know why in all of the things that I was taught, I wasn’t taught that, you know, you’re not getting it in school. I know back in our day it was like, you know, trigonometry, like how often am I using that in my daily life? I would have loved to know how to really rock a mortgage. Right. How do I do that wisely? So, what’s one thing you wish that you were taught before going out on your own? Nowadays, a lot of things that were sort of talked about and kind of given by osmosis, it was really not happening. Life has changed so fast and there’s so much more of the digital world in our lives that so many things that we kind of took for granted are just not happening. How to write out a check, how many people even use checks anymore, but still sometimes that needs to happen, and so helping our children know how to do some of those skills that are transitional, meaning they’re kind of going out, but there’s still a part of our lives, we still need to make sure that we give a nod to some of these things that they’re going to need to know how to do. Now. That being said, it’s not our job to teach every jot and tittle so that they have every single life skill they’ve ever needed. No, not at all. But it’s helping them know how to do some of those basics. What does a credit card mean? How do you use it and what does 21% of interest rate mean? Right? What does that really mean to them? That means don’t do that cart. That’s what that means. So, just be thinking your mind, things that you wish your parents had taught and maybe some things that you’re thinking. You know what? In those moments that I think I really want them to know X, Y, and Z, jot that down. Jot that down because you will know best what your child needs to learn and especially before they walk out that door and think of things, not just in terms of the general life skills, Cook, clean, all those things that we talk about, but abilities and emotional skills and spiritual integrity and fortitude and discipline and all of those kinds of skills. You know, those are really important life skills that we’re modeling for them all the time. Now, I’m not suggesting we’ve got to be perfect because we’re not –spoiler alert– they know that, but being able to address that, being able to talk about it as family and say, you know what, I’d be good for us to look at how this is working in our lives. What’s something we can do to address this? Something we could do to uplevel this. That would be really helpful to be able to have those conversations. Some other thoughts on that. Keep it simple. So for example, when I’m talking with the cooking, talking about going grocery shopping, you know I make this such a simple doable thing when the kids are young. I had them come with me grocery shopping even though sometimes that’s such a nightmare, I get it, back in the day there was no curbside delivery, but even when it did come out, I decided to go ahead and keep grocery shopping once a week with my daughter because at the time she was like 10-11 and that was our date. That was our mother-daughter date really, and she loved going, she loved figuring stuff out and I do the meal plan with her and then we decide what we’re going to have and I keep it super short. It wasn’t like I went intense and was all Martha Stuart. I wasn’t, I was like, here’s the five meals down and dirty because I do have five easy meals down and dirty with dessert and one, two desserts for the week, and we’d go down the law, the isles. And I had the things written down on my thing on on a little paper of what was in the aisles and I just check them off. We need this, this, this and this. And so we’d go to the store and I have her help me find them and she got used to what they were and she’d helped them find faster for me. And it was fantastic. It was really fun. And at the end she get an ice cream cone and she loved it. Okay. So doing a two-for their teaching, her life skills, how to grocery shop, also getting it done and kind of a three-for, because then we were spending time together and really having a little bit of mother daughter bonding time together. So again, keeping it simple, I didn’t set aside at different time. This is what my time was to go grocery shopping. I put her in the mix, kept it simple, doable and enjoyable. Another thing to remember is baby steps line upon line. So as I’m teaching my kids life skills, as I mentioned in the last one about the dishwasher, they started off with emptying the silverware, then emptying a tray, then loading a tray than emptying the whole dishwasher. Then loading the whole dishwasher. You know what? Step by step, that’s how we grow. That’s how we learn. So this is really that the lens that we want to keep looking through as just step by step. And then of course establishing the norm as you uplevel and say, Oh, this is what we’re doing now. It’s so fun. It’s fabulous. Yes, you’ll have a little learning curve for a few times, but you’ll be shocked how quickly your kids will get this idea that, hey, mom’s having some teaching moments or hey, we’re doing some life skills. They will go with that norm if you encourage them to do that. So, remember this is all a process and don’t be stressed out, but just do a little bit here, a little bit there on a daily basis when that moment comes and then planning for a few others and you’ll be amazed at how quickly you’ll be teaching these things and how quickly they’ll pick them up because now that playing field has shifted. All right? Does that make sense? All right, let’s get started on the rest of these aids. Well that we’re going to cover in here today. I am going to talk with you today. All eight of them are communication, clean, cook, car, cash, Christ, communicate, connect and contribute. And so today I’m going to talk about cook and then I’m going to talk about car and I’m going to talk about Christ, and again, if you have a different belief system, then you just put that right in there. Whatever that is. We know that a spiritual aspect of our lives is a very important thing and what happens too is when we don’t acknowledge that part of ourselves, whatever that looks like for you, whether it’s nature, whether it’s religion, whatever that is, but when we, we ignore that, when we don’t acknowledge that, then we really suffer some big time, um, consequences from that physically, emotionally, and mentally. So we’ll talk about that and what that looks like for sending your child off. So starting off with cooking, cooking, how are you feeling about cooking? How does cooking go in your life? Is it grabbing something through a drive through and the variety is which place we’re stopping at? Is it forging from the sideboard? Is it sitting down to a meal at the table? Is it a Martha Stuart’s experience or a Rachel Ray? What does that look like for you and your family? What’s most important is that you have at least good, decent food in the house that people can partake up, right? Really important. But the second thing is that we create community and family time as much as possible around a meal. This is so key. There’s so many studies shown about the benefits of mealtime. It keeps kids from–its has lesser um, tendency for them to get into drugs and early teen pregnancy of having low grades of having um, issues with communication and early relationship issues of having problems with um, being able to do their homework and schedule their lives. All of this happens because of a mealtime. They have higher self esteem, that is higher confidence, they have higher life skills and they just benefit and grow and bloom from having a regular meal time. Now when I say that again, don’t feel stressed out, but what does that look like for you? Is it regular breakfast? Is it regular dinner? Is that, well, we get together three to four nights a week and then the other times I do it in groups like we do it with these two kids because these two have these events or this work schedule, and so we do it these ways. Just be creative in the way that you create that, but do make that a thing in your home. If you can, of we do family meals together. Maybe that just means Sunday dinner. We just do Sunday dinner. But it’s a tradition, it’s an expected, predictable routine. It’s a time that everybody knows are going to get together, look each other in the eyeball and talk. They’re going to connect. They’re going to share experiences that is more important than even the quality of food. If you’re eating ramen, but you guys are all connecting, you’re laughing, you’re talking, you know each other’s lives. Well then you’ve really feast upon the life ex-, you know, experience that’s more, more uh, more important than it is of, okay, well did we have this three course meal? Of course. So consider what your expectations are for the cook part and what you want them to know before they leave. Now we may think some skills seem super basic. Nothing is too basic. If you’ve ever watched worst cooks in America. Okay. I was shocked. My daughter started telling me about this show years ago and I was like, she’s like, Yo, you will need to watch it with me and I, and she started telling me and I said, aw, that sounds like a really trumped up reality show. I mean, no way, cause people not really know how to do some of these things. Like what, what an actual head of lettuce looks like, and she’s like, oh no, no. Like this is for real. And it was for real. No, I’m not dissing, I’m just saying, it shocked me that these were basics and I thought, oh my gosh, how many things do I think my kids know? But they don’t really know. So it was a really good experience that way because one of my, my sister, she went to college and there was a roommate that didn’t know how to boil water. I’m not joking, did not know how to boil water two other gals, didn’t know how to mop a floor. They looked at the off, they said, well this can’t be too hard. I’m sure we can figure it out, mopping a floor. So just saying it can’t ever get too basic. So just double check that they’ve got those skills, right? So the goal is to get the basics and be one step above survival. We want to try to have taste if that’s possible, right? So I want to keep it simple. I want to keep it fun and I want to teach them how they can put this into their lives in a really doable way so that they’ll actually do it when they leave home. So the first thing is make it simple. So choose five to 10 recipes that you want them to know how to make and make them doable, right? And maybe make them in kind of simple, medium, and advanced. I do a little recipe minor that I laminated. It’s for emergencies. Nobody ever hardly looks at it, but there have been times where they’ve actually had to pull that out and actually do give instructions on how to make scrambled eggs because that is the one life skill everyone needs to know. Scrambled eggs, toast. You’re done. It’s a meal. It’s a total meal. In fact, I remember one weekend years and years ago when my daughter was five and I was up at a training meeting for a particular thing that I was doing, a calling that I had in my church, and I had gotten the times wrong. We had early out from our school and I’d forgotten it was early out, so I’d already made the transition of, I had one son coming home and I said, great, you’re there, and then about 15 minutes later she’s going to come home. So it’ll work out perfectly. Just call me with the handoff. Right. I forgot about early out. So that previous weekend I had taught her how to make scrambled eggs and toast. I really had at five and she was standing there in the chair, she was using the, the cooktop and I was right there with her and showing her how to do it. So she comes home early, and what do you think she does? That’s right. Home alone. She stands up, gets the chair and she makes herself scrambled eggs and toast. So by the time I call, she’s already had her meal and you know, my son got home about seven minutes later, so it wasn’t that she was home a long time alone, but I was dying that she had and she was proud as could be that she, “yeah, I already made myself toast and eggs.” I was like, good job. Hung up the phone, I started bawling in front of these other ladies that I was driving, carpooling with, bahhhhh, I’m a terrible mother. But you know what to this day, she knows how to make scrambled eggs and toast and she’s super proud of it too. You know, I haven’t known how to do this as I was five and I tell her, cut off the story right there. ‘Kay , just for reasons that I’ll share with you later anyway, so you want to get, make it simple, make it doable. My kids know how to make everything from very simple Burrito, right? An actual burrito where they put it together is not frozen. They know how to do something like that. All the way to Lasagna, all the way to crock pot fajitas that take literally three minutes. Super, super slick. They know how to do a nice salmon, a grilled salmon. It’s so easy you just put on this little sauce that you make and you stick it in the broiler for 20 minutes. Couldn’t be better total great date meal, but they know how to do some of these things. And again, I’ve made it easy in our lives to teach them how, we’ve had a kids cooking night that during the week, it used to be on a Tuesday, then a Wednesday and the Thursday just depended, and then on a Sunday, but it’s a cooking night where at first I would have them be my sous chef and we even had a little chef hat that they would wear. So they’d be my sous chef and I showed them how to do it. And so we’d have some bonding time. And then it got to where it was their night to cook. And again, I can’t tell ya how many times we had grilled cheese, you know, best laid plans, right? But they knew how to do some of these basics and they knew that it was their responsibility to make that happen. So I’ve taught them how to do some of these things and also the cleanup, um, how to make sure, I always say a good chef is a clean chef that is not true in any sense of the form, but they don’t know that, but that’s what I’ve said in our home. So that’s become a truism and they think that that’s the way that it is, and don’t tell them any different. It’s fabulous. And then I teach them how to do some simple life hacks. So if they want to make it pretty salad, they get the bag salad, then they get a bag of that Broccoli slaw that’s got like shredded carrots and shredded Broccoli and shred it, all kinds of good stuff and then dump that in there, and the little packet of Yummies, it’s got cranberries and nuts and things like that. And you shoved that in there. Boom, three minutes. She got this really pretty looking salad. So I’ve taught them some very simple life hacks again, side by side, just in the day, just in, the schedule, making it fun. Okay. Just keeping it simple, keeping it real. So that’s the first thing is to make it simple. Choose those five recipes that you want to start with and they will use them. Kay. I actually made this little binder called mom to go for my son who went to college and now he’s my Aspbergers son and I thought, I don’t even know if he’s going to look at this. And I had like emergency things. I even had like how to start a social conversation with friends in case that he forgot how to do that. So anyway, and he did great. But what was so funny is that I taught him how to make homemade chicken noodle soup. It takes like five minutes. Super good, super easy. And that’s what he ate the entire semester. Come to find out because that was the only thing that appealed to him and being more of an Asperger child, that consistency and structure he really liked, but then I’d tell you to this day he can’t eat that stuff. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to eat it after a semester either. So the second thing is to make it fun and appealing. ‘Kay The quickest way for us to really squelch their desire to cook, nevermind our own, is to make it a deal. So let’s not make it a deal. I know if it’s a deal, I’m not making it. I look at all these wonderful recipes and friends make recipes and I’ll ask for the recipe and I just go, no way. It’s more than like five ingredients and it takes me more than five or 10 minutes to assemble not doing it. If it starts asking for ingredients that I can’t recognize, I’m not doing it. It’s just not my thing. So if it’s your thing, I’m super happy for you, but if it’s not your thing, welcome to the club because your kid’s probably not going to be their thing most likely. So you want to keep it fun and appealing. So we actually had mentioned that Worst Cooks in America, we watched that show well for fun to get them a little bit jazzed about cooking. I said, well, why don’t we do our own worst cooks in America? Are we cook off? And so did everyone chose what they were going to do for the cook off? We chose a grand prize. It was an Amazon gift card. Oh yeah. And it was for the best tasting, best presentation, and something else I can’t remember. But it was so fun and eye opening. They got a clue about what it takes to cook and time and sequence. And I had told them but did they listen nooo? But when they had to do it on their own, oh my word, it was just, it brought a smile to my face and not, not in a really mean way. Maybe, maybe a little bit because it was like, Huh now you know, but not really mean. But just kind of in that learning moment of now you know what it feels like because they really did get the idea of how much time, effort, stress that can go into stuff like that and what the life skills are that are needed to make it happen. So it was wonderful. We had a great experience with that. That was really one of those keeper moments. And then another way to make it fun and appealing is to find a specialty. Now, my mom was super wise when I was young. I made brownies apparently a time or two and did a good job with them, meaning they were edible and so she christened me the Brownie Maker of the family and she was so smart. She was like, your brownies are the best. You know how parents do that? Have you done that? Your brownies are just the best. We love how you make the brownies. Will, you go make some brownies for the family. Yeah, we know exactly what was happening in there. Right. Because I’ve taught that to my children. You make the best smoothies, Sophie, and she does. She makes really good smoothies and she’s the type that makes it really pretty. So she’ll put a little, a whipped cream and then a little sprig of something on the side and then a half cut orange slice or a little slice, a couple slices of banana sitting right in the whip cream. And then she’ll bring it up to you and oh my goodness, I can’t tell you many times that she would make these yummy meals at night on a tray and she’d make this little snack for me and she’d bring it up and it’d be all pretty and lovely and beautifully presented. It was just fabulous. So that became kind of her specialty. Always help your kids find a specialty. My daughter, she does these things that we may call coconut chews takes like five minutes to assemble, 20 minutes to cook. They’re our go to when we take him to somewhere where like quick go make coconut chews and done, super easy, super slick. So now we know, oh she can go make coconut chews and we’re done. So help them find a specialty, whether it’s pancakes or waffle maker or somebody grills something really good, whatever. Ann Romney talks about her teaching her son Josh, how to make the rolls the Sunday rolls would that I had taught my kids that, but taught him how to make the Sunday rolls and that became his thing. She was wise. So I help them find a specialty. So make it simple, make it fun and appealing. And then the last thing is make it matter. I promise you, as you make mealtime matter, it will become a tradition and a beautiful thing for your family. Even if you feel like, okay, nothing good is happening here. They’re just fighting over the biscuits. It really is something fabulous. My kids knew what mattered. In fact, when we had a son in baseball, we would traipse all the kids down there and I would take a meal down to the baseball field and we’d have all of our little chairs lined up and I would bring chicken shishkabobs and sticky rice, I would bring sandwiches, I would bring, um, something total that was like young but doesn’t, was it wasn’t just like your usual fare. I would bring oh quiche, I brought quiche one time. I mean literally and I noticed we started getting more and more chairs. The people around us, I’m not kidding, they just kind of scoot it up and they knew that the meal wagon was-a coming. It was pretty funny. But make it matter. So maybe do something to make the table nicer. You know, in the Huga lifestyle that the Danish people do, they light candles at dinner and do something like that. We went to Ikea, we got some fun things there. I remember when we wanted a new kitchen table, I had all the kids come down and we picked out a kitchen table that we all loved. Like we got behind this kitchen table just saying it was a Magnolia–Joanna Gaines. So great and we love that kitchen table in fact, and we were evacuated for the fire. The thing we limited the most was that we couldn’t take the kitchen table. I’m not kidding. We had some good memories around that and we still have it because nothing happened, which was great. And then choose maybe a special day and maybe on that day, on Sunday you switch out. Maybe mom gets a day off from cooking. It’s a very good plan. Maybe it’s the men’s cooking day that happens on Sunday, whatever that might be. Or maybe it’s, um, you know, you make meals that, you know that when your kids have friends that come over, that’s the meal that they know how to make and they’re going to help you make or that you can offer. My daughter loved my ribs so much that she’s like, she makes the best ribs ever. You’ve got to have a ribs and rosemary potatoes. They’re Costco Ribs, ‘kay and I put some of that, oh, what’s the name of that barbecue sauce? I can see it in my mind. I can’t think of the name, but it’s this award winning barbecue sauce and I throw that on there. It’s like so easy. But they loved it and she brought him over just for that, which made me feel so happy. So on the cooking, make it simple, make it fun and appealing, and make it matter. Make that time a time where you connect, you talk, you laugh, you, you disagree about stuff and it’s all over food. It’s very Italian feeling, make it that kind of experience and they will continue that tradition as they move on. Even if it’s a little bit adjusted when they move to a different apartment or into a different place, they will keep that rhythm with them and I’ve seen that happen. All right. Now the third thing that we’re going to talk about is maybe a little bit delicate, like I said before, and it is about Christ and as I’ve said before, whatever your belief system is, remember just a spiritual approach, but it didn’t start with a c, so I’m so sorry that just kept the whole eight c’s thing going. So you just choose what works for you, whether it’s nature, whether it’s to find influence, whether it’s higher power, whatever that is. I can tell you we need to give our kids that kind of base. They’ve got to have something solid that is more than them, something that is above and beyond them. They, when studies again show that when they know that there is a higher power or something that is more than them, they are more altruistic, they are more compassionate, they’re more kind, they’re more aware of others, they are more courteous, they’re more civil. Again, the blessings and the benefits. Just keep going on and on and on. So the couple of things that I just want to quickly share with you about this are establish spiritual rhythms and create sacred spaces. So those two things, just keep those in your mind of what that might look like for you. Spiritual rhythms, sacred spaces. And what does that mean? Spiritual rhythms could be, um, one of four things that I know that we use in our family. It comes from a talk about four cornerstones of a happy family and it’s prayer, a spiritual message, family night, and family fun. And when you have those four cornerstones I have seen in our family that that creates such a solid foundation. So what does that look like with spiritual rhythms and sacred spaces? So let’s start with prayer. What does prayer look like for you in your home? And again, whatever feels comfortable for you. We have prayer morning and night and we have several because kids are leaving at different times, so I’ll just stand and have prayer and it’s in the kitchen. It’s by the car, it’s in the front door, it’s super and maybe I’m still sleeping with one of the kids in the bed in there cuddling with me in the morning and so I’m just like, okay, I sit up and we have prayer right there together. We make it very doable in our lives, but prayer is a bedrock. We know that that’s going to happen morning because that’s how we’re going to connect together before they go out to the beyond and it’s how we’re going to pull it back again, kind of bookends for the day. We’re going to pull it back in at the end of the night and gather this gathering principle again, studies show how important this is for our family bonds and our family ties this gathering principle and so we gather again at night with a family prayer. Now don’t think for a second it’s all like quiet and chanting. Not at alla nd it’s often not, I’m not saying she’s saying and it’s like that, but in that moment, people get to hear someone, pray for them for their test, pray for them that they’re going to feel better tomorrow because they weren’t feeling good and they got a dance competition. They get to hear these things being prayed for, and that is a really beautiful, powerful thing. So if you don’t do anything else, even just a three minute prayer, one minute prayer doesn’t matter. Something that gathers and connects like that to a higher power. So powerful. And when we have our prayer, you know, we ask Heavenly Father, please, we thank him for something. And then we ask him for things and then we say in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. That’s just the way we do it. I know different people, they pray on a rug, on the floor, other people raise their eyes to the sky, other people fold their arms and bow their heads, whatever that looks like for you. The second thing is a spiritual message. So we do scriptures. We’ll do a spiritual thought, we’ll do a devotional. We’ll do something that someone learned today, a life principle that they’re tying back to a scriptural principle, whatever that looks like. Whatever you need to do. Some spiritual message. We’ve done them from Mother Theresa, we’ve done them from Martin Luther King, we’ve done them from Gandhi, we’ve done them from the Canon of scripture, Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, whatever it is that we’re doing. We are sharing all the time, spiritual messages that help get that into their souls. Something that they can kind of use as a bedrock, as an anchor or something they can tie to. And this has been so fun. In fact, in our home, what we do, we’ve created scripture strips and I actually had the kids sell them when they were doing them for different things that they wanted to sell something. I was like, well, hey, why don’t you try these? And so they sold scripture strips for that, which was so great. And so we did these little strips from scripture, Canon, scripture, and we just had them in strips. And so you can pull them from a jar so you can feast upon the word. And we had him pull him from a jar in the morning and then we’ve just read the scripture and say, what does that mean? So, so awesome and fast. Our default, of course was if we were running late for the bus, then we would just say the scripture look into me and every thought, and then they would repeat doubt, not fair, not, and then scripture was done for the morning. Yeah. That’s sometimes how it rolls, right? Sometimes. A lot of times that’s how it rolls, but I felt like they got that concept again, the spiritual rhythms, sacred spaces, and as far as for where to do scripture, we’ve done it everywhere in the entryway, at the kitchen table, oftentimes on my big bed, just as big bed that they sit on, and that’s usually where our conversations happen. Right before we go to bed. That’s where we’re talking about scripture stuff or we’re listening to it all together. We’re laying all over each other while we’re listening. It’s just beautiful. And again, you know, if all else fails, then you yell at them as they’re running to the bus. Look at it. I don’t know if you’re not. That’s what we do. The third thing is family night. This is a time that you can plan on as a family. Could be family day, could be family morning, could be family afternoon, whatever. Just family time, but we have family night and that’s a time when we have some fun, but we also have like our family council and that’s when we can bring up stuff and say, hey, okay. Better way for us to do laundry because the way it’s working is not working. Any suggestions what you guys got? Or, we’ve had conversations about dating, about modest dress, about communication, principles, about budget concepts. We’ve had conversations about all kinds of things in this family time that we just kind of open it up. Sometimes you do it a little bit more official. We have a thought, we have done something, we’re teaching, then we have a game and a treat, but other times it’s just a council or it’s just a gathering or we’re just doing something together that we’re bonding or we’re specifically talking about a resolving something. It’s really just family. A family night where we’re like, you know what? Phones are off. That’s our family night. And then family fun. And I should mention on the family and I often there’s a spiritual principle or often there’s a life principle, politics, something, something that we’re really talking about. Family fun is just exactly that. They know there’s nothing else going on. But we are having family fun and that’s the fourth thing. We’re doing games, we’re doing bowling, we’re doing a pride and prejudice binge. We’re going hiking, word watch and worst cooks in America, whatever that might be. We’re doing something fun and we’re making a memory. We’re big on trips, we love taking trips together. We’re not big on doing like a ton on the trips were not super big sightseers like we have to pack and everything that we don’t. We’re not like that. We like to really go to places that we want to be together. We want to experience a few things that are new. Take men, relax, connect, laugh and eat as always. So that’s really our big family fun and we just devices are off and we just connect and have some fun together and make those memories and whether it’s down and dirty scrabble and people are getting all upset about it doesn’t matter. It’s just making those memories. So again, something to consider and how does that bring them back to Christ? Because those four cornerstones really bring us back to loving him, learning about him, and then rejoicing in what he’s given us, which is family. Because family is core and it doesn’t matter what that family looks like for you, what your family is, needs, nourishing. And that when we nourish our each other as a family, we are doing God’s work. We are doing what he wants us to do and bringing us closer to him. So as you probably would have guessed, and all of these things that I do, prayer and spiritual message and family night and fun, I am weaving in spiritual messages all the time of drawing them to him of how can we serve, how can we love, how can we be more like him and what we do. And lastly, when I’ve talked about those spiritual rhythms, the sacred spaces, I’ve alluded to, finding spaces for those things to happen, those sacred spaces for prayer, for spiritual messages, for family night to happen. We know it’s going to happen around the kitchen table or it’s going to be on my bed or it’s going to be in the living room. We have this beautiful living space down there that’s just open and airy and light and we love to have that there. And fun, we know where those sacred spaces are going to be for fun. So something to consider when you’re looking at your, your family life and saying, how can we draw closer to Christ, to God, to higher power, to divine influence? What can we do to help get that into their souls? It’s the small and simple things. It’s the small and simple spiritual rhythms and sacred spaces that they will turn to when they are in an apartment, when they’re on a travel study abroad. It’s these kinds of things. My daughter went to France and she nannied there for three months and it was amazing to me how often when we facetimed she had turned to those spiritual messages, she had turned to prayer to solve a problem that she was dealing with. She had turned to these sacred spaces idea. She went to a place that was a sacred space for her and she went there every week and it helped her feel connected and clear about what she needed to do and how to go about it. She had spiritual skills that she could use now that she was away from home that she turned to so that she could live her life in a more successful way. And that was really, that’s a mamma paycheck right there, right when you know that they have used what you’ve taught them and they’ve used it because they wanted to because they needed to. That is a Mama paycheck right there. So hopefully today you’ve gotten some great stuff out of these three C’s. I’m moving you forward with the cooking and the Christ and I just realized we did not go over the car. So we will do two today and because it’s hitting 30 minutes and I don’t want to have you be overloaded, so we will do car in the next one because that’s a great one too for them to learn some basics about transportation, that’s going to be a big thing in their lives. So stay tuned for the next part of the eight C’s. What your kids need to know when they leave home. And remember, if you want more great stuff, go to conniesokol.comSubscribe to another podcast. As always, if you want my updated newsletter with all of my podcasts in real time, you get sent a newsletter for them and my blog posts and my TVs segments and things like that. newsletter with all of my podcasts in real time, you get sent a newsletter for them and my blog posts and my TVs segments and things like that. Get a free newsletter and get a free ebook at the same time. When you sign up for that at conniesokol.com and you can also get the life shift quiz. It’s free. If there’s a rumble in your soul, you know you need to make a life shift, but you’re not sure where or how. It helps you funnel it down to know which shift would be best for you first, and as always, join me in whatever way you need, because we’ve got something to fill it to help you make this year, your year, to get Balance reDefined.