Yes, I have become the dreaded Unpopular Mother. My daughter came home the other day and mentioned, at first with humor, that ALL her friends were gathered in a circle and that ALL her friends have a cell phone and that ALL her friends said, “You need to get a cell phone.”
She is in sixth grade.
Forgive me if I did not whip out my wallet and give her my credit card, although she was unhappy that this tack did not work.
Is it true that she really is the only one without a cell phone? Probably. Is it wrong that I don’t feel badly about her being phone-less? Probably not. I actually posed the question to her—what does a sixth grader—who spends all day at school with her friends and who has ready access to the school phone if necessary—need with a cell phone? With internet??? She just gave me that look.
Enter my son. He had been asked to a dance but is not the magical dating age of sixteen yet. After validating his excitement and that he was asked, we gave him the unhappy tidings that this will not yet come to pass. He was unhappy. In fact, I believe he is plotting some very frightening act of revenge, like letting the dog loose before I leave for errands in the morning, or hiding my European chocolate stash.
By the end of the day, I began feeling officially prudish. And old-fashioned. And “out of it”. Not that my children have used these terms (it just pulses from their eyes). And I became worried, really worried, that my husband and I were truly too strict and putting a noose on my children’s social life. Was that the case?
In all fairness, I felt I’d compromised. I told my daughter about my day (the subtle rolling of the eyes began immediately)—how I wasn’t allowed to wear nylons in sixth grade (and was the only cheerleader in knee socks), or wear anything but mascara and lip gloss in ninth grade, or able to get my ears pierced until somewhere near the end of junior high (it’s so traumatic I can’t pinpoint the date).
I reminded said daughter that not only has she been able to do ALL those things, but also began shaving her legs way before I ever did. She was thankful, but not that impressed. Not compared to a CELL PHONE. With internet.
Ultimately, and after prayer, my husband and I stood fast in both situations. To both my children’s credit they have willingly accepted said old-fashioned decrees, and handled it well—no door slamming, bawling, or extreme hostility (but it’s early).
I guess I’ll need to make peace with being the Unpopular Mother, because I can feel that there are many more opportunities to be so yet ahead.
Good thing I’m not running for office.
Best,
Connie
Boy can I relate. We just updated our cell phone plan and our almost 14 year old finally got a phone, our 11 year old did not. Oh the drama!
My kids got cell phones when they started riding the bus to school by themselves. That was the 2nd year of junior high. And they have data blocked and originally text block too. Now we allow text (unlimited text was cheaper than the block) but I check the messages against the live feed on the billing website so I know who they’re talking too and when. I’ll admit to being a touch more lax on the dances – if they are turning 16 during the school year, my kids may accept invitations to school dances as long as it is a group and they will not be alone with their date at any time. They can’t issue invitations until after they are 16, so far that’s worked.
The meanest mom award I have is for going everywhere with the older one who broke curfew. “I was just so worried I couldn’t let her out of my sight.” That meant I went everywhere; to school, the locker-room, the lavatory, her bedroom and was with her constantly for 2 days. Never had a problem with curfew again and not just her, all the younger ones as well.