[The following is a excerpt from Life is Too Short for One Hair Color, purchase links below]
“As much as I could complain (should I use that word?) about my sweetheart’s creative ways of parenting, I wouldn’t change them. Okay, maybe just one or two things, nothing major. Sort of. But I’m learning the benefit that his male perspective can be.
On my way out the door to my Wednesday night out I asked him to please keep the kids on a schedule, preferably the one used in our home. When I arrived home a few hours later I was delighted to see the five-minute pick-up had been an apparent success.
“Wow,” I said, “the place looks great honey.”
Stone-faced, he said “We were cleaning up the galaxy.”
Aha, the secret. The rest of the night I saw how this space theme got things done. When I asked if they had brushed their teeth, my son flashed his pearly whites and leaned in knowingly. “I had space bugs.”
When I commented on my other son’s neat Lego bracelet, he looked disgusted, “It’s a Buzz Light-year laser, Mom.” Amidst the italics, I stood corrected. Harnessing their hyperspace energy, my husband accomplished what would have taken me more time and probably more chop-chop, let’s-get-it-done mentality, and they had fun.
Are we having fun yet? Can we say today, last week, last month that we have had fun with our parenting? One of the “funnest” summers I can remember so far is when my then two children, about 3 and 1, had the Summer of Play. We just played. Every day we went for a walk, sometimes two, pointing out trees, rocks, bugs, all the essentials. The kiddie pool was a staple as was the after pool smushy popsicles and warm towels. The local dollar theater showed quality kids’ movies and sometimes we splurged on movie meals, just because. Laying on the grass or telling stories at naptime, it was by far the most enjoyable and relaxed summer I have ever had with my kids.
Parenting has definite perks. All the things we said we would do when older are at our fingertips, but how often do we play, chill, or stay up late for what we now can? Valerie Bertinelli gave a great response to a distraught woman with picky eaters not cleaning their plates and whining for dessert. She replied, “Why does it have to be a rule to finish everything on your plate? Do you? … Kids won’t starve if they don’t finish their meals and they don’t need dessert every night. But every once in a while, freak them out and give them that scoop of ice cream before dinner!” Excellent advice for myself, I thought—“Girlfriend, you have got to lighten up.”
This is not throwing order to the wind. Establishing rules and routines are, as researchers note, essential to a child’s feeling of security. Knowing what is coming makes children feel more in control and less likely to be irritable, impatient and all those i-words. It’s loosening the rigidness that makes the difference.
A few days ago, at summer high noon, the kids collectively said they were not hungry, until someone saw the ice cream. Suddenly, they had appetites. On a whim I said, “Do you want dessert first?” They were about to faint. “Alright,” I said, “I officially declare this Dessert First Day.” And with that, we enjoyed: we savored, we sloshed, and we slurped that ice cream as it should be. This was fun.
Life Tip:
While fostering rules and routines, mix it up with surprise, fun and silliness.
Book Pick:
A Joyful Mother of Children, Linda Eyre”
