The other day my children were, let’s just say, not getting along in the most ideal fashion.
And it was only the first week of summer.
During yet another meltdown over something vitally important like, why does she have to order sprinkles on her ice cream JUST LIKE ME, or, Why can’t I sit in the front seat—it’s my turn, and SHE got to last time, I called an official summer time out and said, Park it and resolve it or there will be a serious lack of summer sprinkles, period.
As we held a family council, we came up with what I thought was a pretty fabulous formula (that has actually been working so far).
Keep Calm. Use the old count to 10, walk outside and cool down (which is their personal favorite), or scream in a pillow. It’s been pretty amazing to see two of them start the winding and then suddenly have one of them say, with clenched teeth, “I need to go outside to cool down.” Good thing we’re doing this in summer.
Name the Problem. Be clear, say what it is, minus the wailing and hand gestures. She wore my shirt. He broke my air soft gun. Whatever it is, state it in one sentence if possible. The beauty of this is that they actually have to clear out the emotion to figure out what in the heck they were even mad about in the first place.
Find a Solution. Tell us what you need to make it right, and make it reasonable. She owes me a dollar when she borrows without asking. He needs to pay for air soft gun repair. This helps them feel control over the situation and what is happening to them. And, can give a healthy dose of silent neener-neener to an at-fault sibling…
This formula will not be used smoothly at first. However, bits and pieces will actually sink in and come into play at helpful times. And, it gives me, the Mom, a clear tool to referee more adroitly by putting the situation back in the hands of the children, through thinking questions, and get back to handling more important things—like, Who ate my Ritter chocolate?
(Breathe…Keep Calm, Name the Problem, Find a Solution…)
Best,
Connie
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