Balancing Womanhood and Motherhood

Women are busy. Women are stressed. Women are stretched. So when was the last time you stopped to really appreciate the role of being a woman?
Life Coach and Author Connie Sokol shares how to balance womanhood with motherhood.

Every day we mothers run to and fro but without thinking do we really need to? Put in place a few positive parameters to get back that “ahhh” happy- mama feeling.
1. Set Appropriate Boundaries on Your Time and Energy. You have x amount of energy to dole out, so be proactive in how you use it. If Bobby forgot to load the dishwasher or Susie forgot her report, ask first, “Is this my responsibility?” Stop and consider if it’s the best use of your energy right then. My children get a one-time Forget Freebie, and after that they pay gas or do a chore in exchange. If you made dinner, DO NOT clean up. Sit on the chair and direct traffic if you must, but let the family pitch in, even if they’re whining about leaving for an activity. Decide how many sports and afterschool activities you can reasonably drive them to—try one per child at the most—then draw the line. They’ve got their whole childhood—mama’s sanity comes first.
2. Teach Children Accountability. Those big eyes are staring at you and saying, “Oops” but it might just be the best time for a life lesson. Joy Lundberg shares how to deal with adult children when they call home for money. Be a broken record. When he says, “But I’m out of money, it’s tough right now,” simply validate, “That is hard, I don’t like being out of money either.” When he pushes for cash, don’t take on the problem. Lovingly return it and say, “That’s a tough situation. How can you earn some more money? How can you better budget?” Helping them learn on small risks lessens your nagging and helps them get bigger concepts. Recently one of our children received a C for his grades, though he’s capable of better. So his iPod went into cold storage until he brought it up. But, it was taking a while and he found other entertainments. Hmm, now what to do as a parent. So I casually mentioned one day that seeing as he wasn’t using his iPod, we could give it to his brother. Within two weeks his grades were back up to As and Bs. Keeping children accountable nips issues in the bud and allows you more relaxation and less stress.
3. Create Positive Connection. Women need positive connection with other women, it’s that simple.A recent UCLA study shows that when a woman is stressed, her body releases the hormone oxytocin which actually encourages her to tend children or gather with other women instead. As she does gather, more oxytocin is released and thereby more calm. Remember to connect with a variety of friends—not everyone has to be a BFF. Last week an article was posted on KSL.com by Elizabeth Hill, who said, “No person should ever be burdened with fulfilling your every need, wish and whim for companionship.” Don’t pressure one friend. From see-them-at-soccer ladies to old blue jeans kind of friends—time-tested and comfy—you can keep your connection bucket filled. And that makes you happier and more balanced in whatever you do.

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