Are Your Kids Cooked?

As I’ve been readying our son to leave home for the next two years, many parenting questions have surfaced. Vital questions such as, “Does he know how much we love him?” and “Does he know how to clean a bathroom?” and more importantly, “Will he clean that bathroom?”
However, as he and I have spent these past few weeks together in preparations, I’ve been struck by the reality that, ultimately, he is cooked. Like a soft-roasting turkey that has received great attention to timing, turning, and basting, he is now done and there is nothing I can do about it.
During his eighteen years I’ve taught him how life skills—doing dishes (with mild complaint), cooking meals (his lasagna roll-ups are the bomb), and folding laundry (putting away clothes consists of tossing them on the floor, but hey…) I’ve taught him financial rules and respect (don’t spend), spiritual necessity (doing and becoming—both are important), and emotional well-being (stop bugging your sister, now).
In short, I’ve done my best and the timer has gone off. But now I find myself wanting to cram the last bits of Mother Wisdom into every square space of time we have together, and knowing that I can’t. There isn’t any more to share. Now, he’s onto the doing.
And that’s okay. Because he will learn the rest out there, practicing and preaching and personalizing all the life concepts he has rolled his eyes at over the years during family nights. As a parent, I can simply enjoy all the amazing goodness within him, and the wit and intelligence that sometimes still surprises me, and let go of my perpetual image of him at age six, kicking a soccer ball with feet too big for him to handle.
Part of a healthy connection is knowing when to give more slack, and I know that time is now. It’s not just the fact that he’s leaving, but that it’s really the end of an era. He is moving on to the rest of his life—just as he should be and just as I want him to. And, it will never be the same again.
In fact, it will be better.
(Right?)
So my goal for this past week has been to soak in these last days and enjoy the young man he has become, not just cooked, but dressed as well (in a sharp suit and tie). And even celebrate that I, like all moms, had a hand in that metamorphosis, and the sublime opportunity and privilege.
Best,
Connie

Praise for Simplify and Savor the Season
“Another stellar book by Connie Sokol. Like her other books, Simplify and Savor the Season is filled with wit and wisdom to diminish the chaos of any stressful season, from holidays to family reunions. Connie’s step-by-step teaching methods provide easy to use organizing tools to help us de-clutter our plans, feel joy, and create happy memories.”
Fay Klingler, award-winning author of A Woman’s Power: Threads that Bind Us to God