Life coach and author Connie Sokol shares ideas to create pockets of time and predictable places where you can consistently connect.
In this episode of KSL Studio 5, Connie talks with Brooke Walker and Darin Adams about Create Family Connections. Watch the video clip if you missed the show.
Use drive time. Despite your children’s protests, this is vital time to get scoops on the day. Turn off the radio and require all ear buds out. Avoid the usual questions of “How was your day?” and instead ask specifics—who did you hang with at lunch/play with at recess? What was the high/low today? Then ask follow up questions—”Why?”, “What did he say?” or “What did you do about it?” No need to make it a Diane Sawyer interview, but a few follow- up questions yields great info nuggets that can come in handy later. And keep the gasps and judgment calls for later.
Establish a “chat room”. In your home or car, on the back deck or at the kitchen counter, create a typical place to talk where they know you will likely be. My children know that after an evening activity mom will most likely be in her pjs and her bed, lamp on, journal in hand, waiting for a lowdown on the fun. Whatever you choose, make it a lovely place with things that invite warmth—milk and cookies in the kitchen, a cozy chair in your bedroom—and you’ll find they want to be there.
Choose “Their” night. Simply and clearly choose time to spend individually with each child. It doesn’t matter the frequency—once a month, every other day—or the time frame—pop in for a surprise lunch, on the way to volleyball, etc. With six children, we start at the top of the list and my husband and I alternate, making sure within a few months each child has been out, alone, with both him and myself. These one-on-one times are tough to choreograph but so fabulously worth it. Where else would I hear the vital details of the latest Rick Riordan book, or the intense playground drama I’d only guessed at? And it doesn’t have to be “a deal”. Driving one of my daughters to her dance class is a perfect time to elongate it with a Subway dinner once in a while. We typically alternate activities—a full-on dinner, ice cream at the park, or a dollar movie and popcorn (driving at least 30 mins away so we can talk on the way). And we ideally try to involve their interests. My one son and I attended many of the Harry Potter book releases, and he still talks about it though he’s in college! It doesn’t have to over-the-top, but your children will look forward to it and help them feel “I matter.”
