Saying no sometimes comes hard for me. And apparently, I’m not alone. Whether it’s a request from a PTA chair, the overwhelming neighbor lady, or the intimidating teacher, we women tend to go for pleasing rather than put up a fuss.
But as women, wives, and mothers, there will be times when a “no” is not only right but necessary. In order for us to preserve the time and energy needed to care for our families, we are going to have to disappoint someone, even daily. We just need to be sure we’ve disappointed the right one.
What makes this more difficult is that good people can place undue pressure on us to help fulfill their particular need. And that’s when we use our personal and family priorities to guide the myriad decisions that continually come at us. It takes culling out what doesn’t fit our particular season, and doing so with kindness, candor, and no excessive apologies.
I love this experience shared by Peggy Noon in the book, My Answer is No, If That’s Okay with You by Nanette Gartrell.
“About ten years ago a woman running an impressive and worthy woman’s congressional campaign told me that if I came and campaigned for her she would likely win. I said I would love to help but I have a little boy and I’m a single mother. And she said, ‘Bring him!’ I said, ‘No, he has school, and little kids don’t like it when you yank them out of their lives so you can go to a strange place.’ And she said, ‘It’s the U.S. Congress!’ And I said, ‘Gee’ and she said, ‘We need you!’
Suddenly, I realized she doesn’t care about my son. My son is not her agenda. Winning is her agenda. But my agenda is my son. Her agenda is crucial to her; my agenda is crucial to me; they are not the same agenda. I told her I just couldn’t do it. And I know I not only disappointed her, but she went from a person who admired me to a person who thought I didn’t get the big picture. It took me a while to realize: that doesn’t matter. I have my own big picture.”
Just like other women, over the years I’ve turned down a good many opportunities to be sure I’m putting my family first. And what I’ve learned is this: big or small, I don’t regret a single one. Not one. Each time I’ve been where I’ve wanted and needed to be most, and whatever I’ve missed out on hasn’t devastated my life. And, very often, the opportunity has later returned, and in a different but better suited way for my situation.
As you face a new week and many requests, consider your and your family’s top priorities, right now. Feel good about staying focused on them, knowing that you’re putting your time and energy into what matters most. That’s something you can say “Yes” to.
Best,
Connie
P.S. Enjoy this KSL segment on “Raising an Asperger Child to a Stellar Adult” Purchase e-book or print of Faithful, Fit & Fabulous and all profits go to Primary Children’s Hospital.
P.S. Congratulations to this WeeklyQ winner, Lisa W. Check out her out-of-the-norm thing!
“I’m a mother of a 2-year-old and 3-month-old. I loved your advice when you asked “Are you having fun?” The next day I put my baby in her Bjorn on front and my 2-year-old in his pack on my back and went on a hike! It was fun—I got a work out, enjoyed some nature and played with my toddler, then I took him to play tennis (something I love and he loved me teaching him). I got a good five minutes worth to practice serving which isn’t much but it was something!” Lisa W.
*Looking for a social media mom with a few hours to spare for Back to Basics! Jill and I have maxed out our few hours a week availability and still be happy moms, and need a little more help. If you are social media savvy (Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, GoodReads, Twitter), we would love to connect! Email me@conniesokol.com a short bio about yourself, and a resume sharing your credentials and/or experience. About 2-4 flexible hours a week, pay DOE, and can begin this month. Enjoy helping women and families through social media!
